me dê 2 taças de vinho por favor

Numa tentativa desesperada de recuperar seu folego, dessa forte dor no peito, misturada com anseio e confusão, você se pega pensando em todas as possibilidades, todas as indeterminações, e após tanta ideia louca e misturada, você não vê muita escolha. Sua insanidade retirou algo de você, sua liberdade, e agora você se vê cercado por uma prisão com 3 metros de concreto, bloqueando quaisquer imagem nítida e a vista é nula. Você se vê ainda remoendo naquilo que pensou ter superado, você esquece tudo que foi e que não foi e simplesmente sente. Maldito seja essa pequena gota, essa coisinha chamada esperança e suas ilusões. Esse sentimento. A queda está praticamente certa e programada, já prepare aquele sorriso falso para os olhares de consolação que virão a seguir.


Boa noite.

Havia uma menina, o nome dela era maria. Tinha cabelos grandes e mal sorria. Não gostava de ninguém, e preferiria ficar sozinha. Um dia, maria na sua solidão costumeira, conheceu joão. João, um rapaz com queixo grande e barba rala, era estranhamente diferente, não pelas piadinhas sem graça, mas porque maria gostou do jeito dele. Muita gente não acreditou, nem maria entendia, mas por alguma razão maria gostou de joão. E pela primeira vez maria se apaixonou. Mas havia um problema, joão não gostava de maria, ele ainda não havia superado bia, uma garota alta e esguia. Mas joão não ficou com bia, porque bia, também gostava de outro, de pedro. Pedro, um garoto magro e estreito, nem via bia, pois só tinha olhos para joana. Joana, uma garota loira e beiçana, para a infelicidade de pedro, gostava de josé. No entanto, ela não persistiu, pois viu que josé, um garoto baixo e redondo, gostava de outra, de maria. Mas como todos sabem, maria gostava de joão, que era apaixonado por bia.

while reading listen to : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cE6wxDqdOV0 

We didn't say goodbye, we just grew apart.

Even not wanting it to end, I knew it was for the best, so I let it be. Just like I let you break me. And with that fall, it helped me grow stronger, even tho that sounds like a clichê, it's funny how life can be one sometimes, and when finally you want it to be, you want that happy ever after, it makes a 360 degrees turn and your left with only yourself. And it's harder than I try to make it seem, I can't say enough of how many times I've said "How could I have been so stupid?", and yet want it all again.. 

I did want it.

I kind of still do.

But it can't be you, I need to find all of that, with someone else, and up until now, I kind of lost faith, I don't feel the same, about others, about you, about me, about absolutely everything. It's like life just decided to take a hole different path, and I have no say, I know that if I want to get back on track, I have to put all these emotions and feelings, which I didn't know existed, and just walk forward, blindly and uncertain.

Sabe aqueles velhos dizeres que quando envelhecemos ficamos mais maduros e sábios ou como as coisas melhoram? É tudo enganação, quando você vai ficando mais velho, você vai ficando mais chato, vai aprendendo que o mundo não passa de uma ilusão passada pela mídia e que está cada vez mais perto da morte. E o pior é que quando você entra para a "fase adulta" não tem mais volta, está preso pra vida e você tem que se acostumar com chefes te mandando, amizades se desfazendo e a distancia, maldita distância. Parece que de certa forma você está sendo levado para o matadouro e não tem volta. Pessimista? sim. Realista? também.

an obsession for freedom that terrified me to the point that I couldn't even talk about it, and pushed me to a nomadic point of madness

I was in the winter of my life, and the men I met along the road were my only summer.

At night I fell asleep with visions of myself, dancing and laughing and crying with them.

Three years down the line of being on an endless world tour, and my memories of them were the only things that sustained me, and my only real happy times.

I was a singer - not a very popular one,

I once had dreams of becoming a beautiful poet, but upon an unfortunate series of events saw those dreams dashed and divided like a million stars in the night sky that I wished on over and over again, sparkling and broken.

But I didn't really mind because I knew that it takes getting everything you ever wanted, and then losing it to know what true freedom is.

When the people I used to know found out what I had been doing, how I'd been living, they asked me why - but there's no use in talking to people who have home.

They have no idea what it's like to seek safety in other people - for home to be wherever you lay your head.

I was always an unusual girl.

My mother told me I had a chameleon soul, no moral compass pointing due north, no fixed personality; just an inner indecisiveness that was as wide and as wavering as the ocean...

And if I said I didn't plan for it to turn out this way I'd be lying...

Because I was born to be the other woman.

Who belonged to no one, who belonged to everyone.

Who had nothing, who wanted everything, with a fire for every experience and an obsession for freedom that terrified me to the point that I couldn't even talk about it, and pushed me to a nomadic point of madness that both dazzled and dizzied me.

Every night I used to pray that I’d find my people, and finally I did on the open road.

We had nothing to lose, nothing to gain, nothing we desired anymore, except to make our lives into a work of art.

Live fast. Die young. Be wild. And have fun.

I believe in the country America used to be.

I believe in the person I want to become.

I believe in the freedom of the open road.

And my motto is the same as ever:

"I believe in the kindness of strangers. And when I’m at war with myself I ride, I just ride."

Who are you?

Are you in touch with all of your darkest fantasies?

Have you created a life for yourself where you can experience them?

I have. I am fucking crazy.

But I am free.

To think

"How about this, the person you loved, took a good long look at the awesomeness that is you, evaluated your relationship together and said "No thanks I'll try my luck elsewhere".  "

Simply the best, it's from a book, but I don't know which, if you know, please let me know.

Undone

Undone, that's the word for us. That's probably why I never got closure. And why I dialed your number so many times but didn't have the courage to call or opened your inbox and never got through with writing a message. I guess in a way my subconscious mind wouldn't let me make that mistake, because that's what it is, a mistake. Deep down inside I know that there is no coming back, there is no reliving what is already dead. And after time to time I come to doubt, but you have my number, you have fingers, and you don't use them, because you don't want to. That is hard for me, you have to understand, the part where you admit that the person you fell for completely, looked at you, analysed everything you had together and just walked away, didn't even say goodbye. Well I guess you left that part for me to do, I just didn't expect it to be so hard.